As the saying goes It takes two to tango. 

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Well, it also takes two to argue. It is impossible to have an argument with someone if they don't participate. If your goal is to reach a solution and create a win/win outcome, arguing isn't the route to take. Instead the best way to reach a collaborative conclusion is to ask questions.

We are taught to ask questions in coaching so the other person can hear in their own words the solutions. In fact it is said that coaches do not ask questions so they can hear the answer, but so the client can hear the answer. Questions allow the person to take ownership and responsibility for the solution. Although there are times, when coaching a client, that I already know the answer. It is more powerful to allow my client to come to it on their own in their own words. The same works in an argument. If all you want to do is argue, questioning isn't likely to be helpful. If you want to co-create a solution questioning can assist in creating a solution that will be agreeable to both parties.

As an adjunct faculty member at a local University, I find that it is useless to argue or try to reason with students when talking with them about their grades. The student always begins the conversation believing I am wrong and they are right . . . the foundation to arguments. By asking simple questions such as What do you think your grade should be? or If you were the professor how would you grade the paper? the student begins to see the problem from a different perspective. Most of the time the conversation ends with the student accepting the grade or at least understanding why they earned it. Questioning allows them to work through the problem and think about it in a different way.

I find this process helpful anytime there is conflict. I found the process of asking questions to be extremely valuable when making a custom order at my local hardware store. I had followed the directions in the electrical department that advised me to take my custom order to the cashier and they would place the order, bill me and arrange for shipping. When I did that, the cashier was completely confused and called Gloria the head cashier over. Gloria proceeded to tell me that I was wrong and I would have to go to another department to place the order. I showed Gloria the instructions, but it was clear she wasn't interested. Instead of arguing with her, I started asking questions. I started with the most important one, Gloria, how are we going to resolve this? I stayed calm and focused on the goal to get the order placed. Gloria wasn't happy about helping me. However, in the end I got what I wanted without arguing about it. Questions helped Gloria and I stay focused without arguing.

Unless you just want to have a good argument, avoid defending your position and focus on asking questions. Questions take the heat out of the situation and allow both parties to view the problem from a different perspective. Even if you know the answer, the other person will be more open to the solution if they are allowed to discover it on her or his own.

Almost all successes and attainments in life come from your ability to feel certain that you can accomplish what you set out to achieve. Confidence is the gateway to success; to the life that you wish to lead and to the dreams that you desire to live.

With confidence you can boldly progress towards your ambitions and aspirations. With confidence you can rise up and handle life’s demands and challenges. You can tackle any hurdle and obstruction, and move on to the next step of your journey to fulfilment and achievement.

One of the principle requirements to anything you want to do in your life is confidence. Confidence is an indispensable part of your development, betterment, progress and success, both at a personal and professional level. With confidence you can forge ahead to fulfil your potential and perform at your peak level.

Having confidence is the crux that allows you to achieve your true potential in whatever situation; in your relationships, your work or career, your finances and your self-image.

When you experience a lack of confidence, it may stop you from striving for what you want. This feeling of lack of confidence can be the root of many complications and hardships that block you from achieving your desires. It can be like a large thorn that continually bursts the bubble of desire.

There may have been times when you have felt a level of confidence when you were engaged in an activity that you were good at; such as driving a car, being a parent or managing your team. At those times you would have displayed a high level of certainty, which is a form of confidence.

However, there may have been other circumstances where you found that you felt less confident. On these occasions, you would achieve a fraction of what is truly possible for you. With determination and focus to pursue and gain confidence, you can develop the strength and fortitude to climb out of the depths of any circumstances, and take advantage of the opportunities and successes that lay ahead of you.

In the same way that you have learned to lack confidence, you can also learn to have unlimited confidence. And the simplest and quickest way to kick-start the engines of your brain, is to know and accept that confidence can be an acquired process; it can be learned and formatted to suit all moments.

As your confidence increases, you can take a front row seat in mastering many areas of your life. You will find that you become more and more comfortable and confident in multiple areas, including:
•	Moving ahead in your career 
•	Starting your own business

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•	Embracing the risks of every day life
•	Refusing to be held back by fear
•	Creating circumstances rather than waiting for them
•	Smiling more and enjoying life 
•	Dramatically improving your health

Successful and dynamic people have gained mastery on how to feel courageous and confident. When you develop and build on your own confidence skills, you, too, will feel and become a different person. You will feel much more enthusiastic, motivated and determined in every aspect of your life.

Once you improve on the way you think and feel about yourself, your beliefs and your actions will follow. You will confidently overcome the challenges that life thrusts upon you and you will manage them with new-found belief and faith in your capability to do so.

As you become more confident you abandon worry, hesitation and, more importantly, you side-step fear. The focus here is on your whole being, every part of you; your thoughts, the images in your mind, your emotions, and ultimately your behaviour and the actual outcomes in your life.

Bear in mind that as you focus on change, change does begin to happen. It is fun, motivating and very rewarding to feel and see yourself growing and improving and becoming more confident and effective day-by-day and week-by-week.

There is great power in believing that you can succeed in your quest for greater confidence. With awareness and consistency, this is attainable. Your confidence can stretch beyond any measurable scale and further still, knowing no boundaries.

Just think what you can do with all the confidence that you can have!